As stated in the promotional video, if these products do not sell well, I am liable to shit myself. This is for many reasons, but the primary one is that not selling many products will not make me very much money, which I need to pay debts and rent and such. Thus, the stress incurred will cause me to freak out (and, ergo, shit myself. Code brown, if you will.)

I don't want this to happen. I understand that this isn't the case for everyone, but I care greatly for my personal hygiene, and remaining un-shat is one of my core values. Shitting myself would really throw a wrench into the works of my day, leaving me worse-off in a measurable way.

Please buy something. Hope this helps. Please buy something.